the better to the poor children of God. Now, while writing on this subject, I will tell you a few more evidences I have as a sign of life in my soul, and can bless my dear Lord for them, which all professors without life despise; but they are too often felt, to the sorrow of my soul. You, in reading, may think they are strange evidences; but I say, in the presence of God, they are true tokens of his love to feel it, so as to bring me often to the footstool of my Lord, crying out to him, "Lord, help me, and hold thou me up, and I shall be safe," and often without a word, only a groan, vented out in tears, and many a time my dear Lord hath given me tears of joy, in bringing home with power to my poor, troubled, tempest-tossed soul these dear words, "I am thy salvation." Join with me, my dear sister, to bless and praise his dear name, for his matchless love and kindness to such poor worms, in giving us, while in the wilderness, songs of praises to his dear name. It now comes to my mind what caused me to rejoice in him many a time before, and in doing so, I hope you will excuse me in speaking of myself. About two years ago I felt my poor soul overburdened with fear that the temptations I was the subject of would break out, and bring a bad name on him who was so dear to my soul in past mercies, that constantly I would be singing, "Thy mercy, my God, is the theme of my song," &c.; but at times my harp is hung on the willow, and the enemy of my soul very busy. But to return; I cried to my dear Lord to remove this from my mind, and fervent prayer for it went up from the very inner man, and my God heard and answered me. But, alas! I was obliged to ask my dear Lord to give me the same path again, with his blessed presence; for when these things were taken from me, I had no liberty in prayer, not even a feeling of my state, for I was in a dry, cold, carnal state, and was brought to feel with the poet, and cry out before my God, "For more the treach'rous calm I dread, Than tempests bursting o'er my head." I told my Lord I would rather have the same trials and temptations, with his support, than all ease without communion with himself. I have ever since found it best to trust where I cannot trace him in my poor way; also to plead his dear word, which has many times been a great comfort to my soul in distress of mind, viz., " My God shall supply all your need, according to his riches in glory, by Christ Jesus." I hope you will look over this disorderly letter. I must write as it comes into my mind. What is bad, pass over; if you should find any small portion good to your soul, give God glory for it. Now for a few of the evidences I promised to let you know, in the first part of this letter, I have from God. They are as follows, and are often felt to the sorrow of my soul-First, a heart of unbelief, rebelling against God and his ways, and Satan tempting me to blaspheme his precious name. The old man (felt also) filled with all manner of combustibles, ready to burst, with my poor soul crying out to my God, "Hold thou me up, then I shall be safe." These things, my dear sister, keep me from self, and bring me often at my dear Lord's feet, to admire his unchanging love in all and through all; for he resteth in his love. At other times I feel a carelessness and deadness to his dear word, name, and ways, and sometimes I have comfort and joy in my soul, and can say, Though these seasons are few, they are precious." You may think that comfort and joy is the greatest evidence; but, if there is any difference, I think it is in the former; for I fear at times my joy is the joy of the hypocrite, or stony ground hearer. But at times I can bless God the eternal Spirit for his mercy, in bringing home his own word with power to my soul, to the glory of a precious Jesus. Then I am brought down at his dear feet with wonder, love, and praise, in his opening to me a little of that sweet word, salvation, with eternal glory. These times and enjoyments would not do always; for I assure you there are times (though but seldom) when I would not be seen by the nearest friend on earth; for his dear love enjoyed in the soul (I would say himself enjoyed) is so overwhelming, that I know not where I am, and in washing the feet of my dear Lord with my tears, I cannot tell what I have been saying to him; for I feel nothing in myself, and Jesus all in all. This gives me to see that if the poor body cannot bear a sip of the brook by the way, how could it stand eternal glory in all its boundless fulness? How needful, my sister, for our poor bodies to lie in the grave that they might be raised spiritual bodies. The little I know of these things in my soul I would not part with for all worlds and their fading glories. In all these seasons Satan was not idle. I had his company not long since, telling me that, after all I knew about salvation, there was something else I did not know; for if I was a child of God, I should know it as they did. I told him to tell me what it was I did not know. I said to him I knew I was a great sinner, and felt it, and I knew Jesus Christ was a great Saviour, and that God the eternal Spirit said "the blood of Jesus Christ cleanseth from all sin." Off Satan goes, and left poor me in the enjoyment of that blood which is dearer to me than ever; and I do find, that if that is not felt in all, there is no solid peace. Now, cannot you at times bless and praise our dear Lord for his love in your salvation, and in keeping you from running with the world in all their false pleasures? Does not this mark of his love overbalance all the fears and sorrows you pass through? Do you not find a something that bears up your mind above all the crooks and crosses you have from time to time? and have you not a desire that Jesus should be glorified in all and through all? and do you not know that all things work together for good to them that love God? You may say I should have more comfort if I knew I loved God. Do not think so, for the Lord doeth nothing in vain. I ask you, have you any desire to love his name, his ways, his word, and his people? have you any outgoing of soul to bless his dear name when any poor sinner is called from darkness to light? cannot you join the children of God in this wilderness in their song, "Unto Him that hath loved us," &c.? Be assured, He that hath begun a good work in you, will carry it on until your poor body shall be raised a spiritual body, fashioned like unto his glorious body. Then you and the poor worm that now writes, with all the blood-bought children, shall meet around the throne of God and the Lamb, singing a new song. Then it will be, without a jarring note, "Hallelujah!" Again they said, "Hallelujah! for the Lord God omnipotent reigneth. Amen and amen.” Stonehouse, Dec. 30, 1838. LAST BUT ONE. THE TREACHEROUS DEALERS. "From the uttermost parts of the earth have we heard songs, even glory to the righteous. But I said, My leanness, my leanness, woe unto me! the treacherous dealers have dealt treacherously; yea, the treacherous dealers have dealt very treacherously."-Isaiah xxiv. 16. Christian Reader,-I have taken up my pen, to endeavour to write something that, under the blessing of the Holy Ghost, might be in some little measure to the honour of God and the comfort of your soul, if consistent with his gracious will; and I can truly and feel I ingly adopt the apostle's language, "Who is sufficient for these things?" The Lord knows how greatly I feel my insufficiency. am daily taught to know that I cannot think, speak, or write the least spiritual thing feelingly, independent of the divine operations of the blessed Spirit. To Him, therefore, I desire to look for assistance in attempting to pen a few remarks from the above passage. 66 The former part of the text appears to me to set forth the glorious work of Christ, and the extension of his blessed kingdom of grace in the hearts of his elect family, scattered abroad among all "nations, tongues, and people." That songs of praise to the God of all grace will be sung by God's children, redeemed from among men out of all nations, is unquestionable; but considering the limits of this little work, and the request of the editors to be brief, I will not attempt to particularise or enlarge upon the text. I therefore pass on to the second clause," But I said, my leanness, my leanness, woe unto me!" &c. The treacherous dealers spoken of I apprehend to mean the world, the human heart, and the devil. These are treacherous indeed. All God's children have more or less to complain of these treacherous dealers; and the worst of these three bitter enemies is the child of God's own heart, or sin dwelling in him. O, my brethren, do you not find this to be true in your daily experience? If you do not, I know one who does. I have been awfully deceived since God first called me by his grace by each and all of these treacherous dealers, but never found any of them to equal the abominable and wretched deceitfulness of my own depraved heart. How frequently has it made me cry out with Paul, "O wretched man that I am," and with Job, I abhor myself." This deceitful, treacherous heart and the devil have sometimes caused me to fall into sin, and then I have been necessitated to cry out with the prophet, My leanness, my leanness, woe unto me!" I believe it is one great aim of Satan to cause us, if possible, to sin, and then turn accuser; darkness is almost sure to follow, and then we, like Isaiah, cry out woe against ourselves. Our evidences of grace are beclouded, we find scarcely any access at a throne of grace, the promises of the gospel we cannot possibly lay hold of, and our hope seems removed like a tree. O, the distress, darkness, and bondage that I have felt at such seasons I cannot describe! I could discover nothing but sinfulness in myself, and have questioned whether I knew anything about saving grace whatever; yea, I have concluded that I certainly never had any; I have mourned, cried, prayed, and entreated the Lord to reveal his love to my soul once more; but no answer have I had, unless it were such an one as cut me down lower, if possible, than I was. "Hast thou not procured this unto thyself," was one, and to which I have freely confessed in the affirmative, while tears of heartfelt sorrow have flowed at the sight of my abominable vileness, and I could heartily justify God in thus causing me to feel such leanness of soul, and also in my eternal condemnation. Nevertheless, to the honour of God, I must acknowledge, that when I have sometimes been on the edge of despair, I have had a sweet, powerful, and sensible lift. I well remember at one particular time, when I had been for some time pre 66 you in vious walking in great darkness; to make my burden, as I thought, complete, it was suggested to my mind that I had most assuredly sinned against the Holy Ghost! O my, reader, I cannot possibly express the anguish of soul I felt. I really believed it was true, and that there was now no hope for me whatever: I felt almost afraid to pray; I thought it was presumption, and, indeed, I concluded it was of no use. In this state I continued some few days. If I mistake not, it was on the Tuesday or Wednesday evening when the suggestion first entered my mind, and on the Saturday following I walked out in quite a lonely place, considering and pondering over my awful state, when I seemed to be attacked more violently than ever. Well, I tried to muster up some force by looking over my past experience, &c., and just as I was about to conclude that I must be damned, I said quite out, "Well, devil, if I must dwell with hell, I tell you what I am determined to do, I will for ever fight against you and your damnable ways, and justify the eternal God in my damnation." In a moment I sensibly felt a calmness in my soul, a ray of precious hope was given to me; and from that time to this, I have never been in such most wretched experience. Bless God, he has many times since, I humbly trust, given me a good hope that I shall one day be with him in eternal glory. But I must beg pardon for this digression, and fearing I should trespass, I will draw to a close. My beloved, may the Lord bless you and me with grace, daily to be on our watch to war against the treacherous dealers with which we are tried, harassed, and perplexed; and may the Lord able us to take encouragememt from the following thing, that is, that there is an eternal rest remains for the children of God, where no treacherous dealers can enter. No! There we shall be free from our body of sin There we shall ne'er mourn through defilement within ;- To worry our souls or perplex us the least. Mildenhall, Jan. 15, 1839. en A PENSIONER. BREATHINGS OF AN OLD MARTYR. The Father of mercy and God of consolation comfort you with his eternal Spirit, my most dear and faithful loving friend, good Master Philpot, as you have comforted me by the mighty operation of the same; the everlasting God be praised therefore. Amen. O my dear heart and most loving brother, if I should do nothing else day and night, as long as the days of heaven endure, but kneel upon my knees and read psalms, I should never be able to render unto the Lord condign thanks for his great mercy, fatherly kindness, and most loving compassion extended unto a most vile, sinful, and unworthy wretch. O that the Lord would open my mouth, and give me a thankful heart, that out of it may flow his continual praise. O that my sinful flesh, which is a cause of sorrow to me, was clean separated from me; that I might sing psalms of thanksgiving unto the Lord now and for ever; that with good Samuel's mother I might continually record this noble verse following, and which, by good experience, I have found most true; praised be my good God therefore. The Lord, saith that good woman, killeth and maketh alive; he bringeth down and lifteth up again; yea, praised be his name, that he hath given me an experience and lively feeling of it. Blessed be the Lord God whose mercy endureth for ever; who hath not dealt with me according to my deep deserts, nor destroyed me in his displeasure when I so justly deserved it. What reward shall I give unto the Lord for all the great benefits that he hath done for my soul? I will gladly receive the cup of salvation at his hand, and will worship his name with prayer and praise. O my dear heart, yea, most dear unto me in the Lord, think not this sudden change in me to be some fickle phantasy of my foolish head, as indeed some others would surely suspect it to be; for doubtless it is the marvellous doing of the Lord, most merciful unto me, his unworthy creature. May the Lord, of his great mercy, give me grace to be more thankful unto him than I heretofore have been, and keep me that I never fall from the Saviour. And now, my dear brother, and most blessed minister of the Lord, whose beautiful feet have brought much glad tidings to my soul, what shall I do or say unto you that in the least part may recompense the fatherly affection and godly care that you have continually kept for me. O that the Lord would give me the spirit of fervent prayer, that I might yet, that way, supply some little part of my duty towards you. Ah, my dear loving friend, how soon did you lay aside all other business to make a sweet plaster for my wounded conscience; yea, and that out of a painful pair of stocks, which place must be very uneasy to write in; but the Lord brought you into a strait place, that you might instrumentally set my soul at liberty; but, off your pinching and painful seat, you have plentifully poured on me your precious word and sweet savour, whereof you have greatly refreshed my tired soul. The Lord likewise refresh you, both body and soul, by pouring the oil of his gracious Spirit on your sweet heart. O, good Jeremiah, hath Pashur put thee in the stocks? Why, now thou hast the right reward of a prophet; thy glory never began to appear until now. I doubt not but shortly, instead of hebuzar-adan, captain of the guard, Jesus, the Son of the living God, will come and deliver thee forth from the hands of all thine enemies, and will also make good against them and their anti-christian synagogue all the words that thou hast spoken in his name. The Lord hath made thee this day a strong defenced tower, an iron pillar, and a brazen wall, against the whole rabble of anti-Christ; and though they fight against thee ever so fiercely, yet they shall not overcome thee, for the Lord himself is with thee, to help and deliver thee, and he will rid thee out of the hands of the wicked. I know you are not busy in casting pearls before swine, nor in giving that which is holy unto dogs: you are much to be commended in my simple judgment, and I am sure that your circumspect and modest behaviour hitherto hath been as much to the glory of God, and shame and confusion of your enemies, as of any that are gone before you where men advise. I most earnestly |