66

we

We improve the first sentence under II by keeping to as the subject, the second by keeping to "I," the third by keeping to "Victor Hugo" or "he," the fourth by keeping to "strikes," the fifth by keeping to "she.”

I

Darcy, without the slightest doubt that his great wealth was an inducement to marriage which no young lady would resist, approached Miss Bennet as if he were making a great sacrifice.

II

Without the slightest doubt but that he would be accepted, and that his great wealth would be an inducement which no young lady would refuse, Darcy approached Miss Bennet as if a great sacrifice was 2 being made upon his part.

The sentence under II suffers not only from redundancy, weakness, and clumsiness, but also from a lack of unity caused by a change of subject in the "as if" clause. Up to that point, the writer, by making "Darcy" the principal subject, has kept his hero before the reader's mind; but when, after mentioning Miss Bennet, he speaks of a "sacrifice," he leaves one uncertain who is to make it. When the reader reaches "his," he finds out that Darcy is to make the sacrifice; but in consequence of his momentary perplexity he does not instantly get the idea of the sen tence as a whole.

EXERCISE CLXXV

Rewrite each sentence in such a way as to keep one point of view:

1. From text to peroration, Mr. Blank stuck to his theme, although he spoke without notes, and the subject might easily have led him into adjacent fields. Thus a dangerously old subject was made alive and fresh by simple, consistent, earnest treatment, and a man without great brilliancy of style or striking originality of thought preached a successful sermon.1

2. When Silas returned to his home, after searching in vain for his gold, seated upon his hearth there was a little girl, whose yellow curls the anxious and near-sighted eyes of Marner mistook at first for the yellow coin 2 which he had lost.

3. If you move, the picture will be spoiled.

4. In the evening, as his sad thoughts wandered back to Lantern Yard, the thought of his little bags of gold would come to him, and, taking the coins from beneath the floor, their very brightness seemed to cheer him and ease his jaded spirits.

5. She never moved a finger to attract any one; but, like Ninon de l'Enclos, all men were attracted to her.

6. The pupil can thus work along new lines, new and more difficult books can be read.

7. A vandal liquor-dealer has given the house a story's 5 hoist, and plate-glass windows, filled with black bottles and seductive signs, replace the doorway on the street level.

Subordinate Ideas. Sometimes a sentence lacks unity of form because it makes a subordinate idea as prominent as the main one.

I

Going nearer, he was astonished to find that the ghost of his father-in-law was wandering restlessly up and down.

II

He went nearer and was astonished to find that the ghost of his father-in-law was restlessly wandering up and down.

1 Keep "Mr. Blank," or a pronoun referring to him, as the subject of each

sentence.

2 See page 389.

4 See page 381.

8 With what is this participle connected?

5 See page 50.

In this example, the principal idea is expressed by "he was astonished to find," etc. "He went nearer is subordinate in thought, but not in form; "going nearer" is subordinate in both thought and form.

I

The plan of explaining an elaborate sentence by a diagram, which usually looks like a railway map or a genealogical tree, seems to me more ingenious than useful.

When Orlando, driven from home by the cruelty of his brother, and Rosalind, disguised as a boy and unknown to her fond lover, meet by accident, Orlando admits that he has cut the name of Rosalind in the bark of the trees, and that he is the author of the verses hanging upon their boughs.

II

An elaborate sentence when expressed by a diagram presents an appearance suggestive of a railway map or a genealogical tree and the system seems to me more ingenious than useful.

Orlando, driven from home by the cruelty of his brother and Rosalind disguised as a boy and unknown to her fond lover meet by accident and Orlando acknowledges the authorship of the verses hung upon the boughs and that he has cut the name of Rosalind upon the bark of the trees.

In each of the sentences under II, a subordinate idea is expressed as if it were of equal importance with the main idea. In the amended sentences, that which is subordinate in thought is subordinate in form.

EXERCISE CLXXVI

Rewrite each sentence in such a way as to make any subordinate thought subordinate in form :

1. A young lady entered cheerfully and took a seat in front of me; 1 but within less than half an hour she fainted in consequence of the excessive heat.

2. Mrs. Bennet was disgusted with her daughter and called her a wilful girl who wanted to have her own way,2 to which Mr. Collins

2

1 Begin thus: A young lady who."

2 What is the difference between "a wilful girl" and one who wants "to have her own way"?

showed that he did have some sense by observing that, if she were such, he did not know as she would make a suitable wife for a man in his position.2

3. The author more than half intended his theme as a jest, and is very seldom serious in anything he says.3

4. I had been cooped up in the house all the morning, and so started out in the middle of the afternoon for a walk.

Other Kinds of Incoherence.

Sometimes a sentence

lacks unity of form for a reason different from any that has been mentioned.

In the sentence under II, the connection between what precedes and what follows the word "end" is so obscure as to make the reader uncertain what the sentence means as a whole. By inserting after "end" the phrase "to the scene, we secure unity as well as clearness.

I

This problem I have tried to solve; but I find that it is one thing to point out a difficulty, another thing to suggest a remedy.

II

This question I have tried to solve, but it is one thing to explain, but it is another thing to suggest a remedy.

It is not easy for a reader of the sentence under II to get hold of the meaning as a whole. By removing the second “but,” and by keeping one point of view, we make the sentence a unit.

1 See page 325.

2 Form this sentence on the plan of that which begins "When Orlando" (page 428).

8 Make the last part of this sentence a relative clause, and put it in its proper place.

4 See page 375.

I

For Swift's action in leaving his first church, we can find only mercenary motives [or no motives but mercenary ones can be found].

II

When Swift left his first church one can see no other than mercenary motives which should influence him to do so.

The sentence under II lacks unity of form because it is so arranged as to confuse the reader: "when" leads one to expect information about what Swift did at the time of leaving his first church, or about the place he went to afterward, not about his motives for leaving.

I

Darcy could not but1 notice that she seemed to be a woman of sense, that she impressed others favorably, that, in short, she was one of those rare beings near whom the mind unconsciously delights to linger.

II

Darcy could but1 notice that she seemed sensible, that she had made a very fair exhibition and impression, in short, that she was one of those mortals who are few to any one individual, and upon whom the mind dwells with pleasure without really thinking, only just wandering about without definite point or purpose.

The sentence under II is "without form and void." It exemplifies the worst sort of writing—that in which the author, having nothing definite to say, pours out a flood of words.

Aim at unity in substance and in form.

1 See pages 302-303.