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by making them believe That now their 'Hand is in they may go on: that fince they have begun a Score, it will not much encrease their Guilt, to gratify themselves in the next Enjoyments: The Sum of their Guilt will be much the fame, if having gone fo far, they 'take t'other Satisfaction in alfo; the fame Repentance will ferve to account for both, and the fame Humiliation to wipe out all, and this Temptation feldom fails to carry it; efpecially when there is a strong Party within, and a predifpofition in our Minds by former Commiffions. But O my Soul, let me know that it is Infinite matter of Rejoycing, to be fav'd from one Sin; that we who bear upon God's Patience by our Commiffions, fhou'd rather than difplease him, fuffer any thing, to avoid one Evil. The contrary is 'the Language of a Heart alineated from God, and that has forgot the Sweets of his Fa'vour: befides the confequence is more fatal, and feldom terminates in one Sin; but encreafing the Enmity of our Will towards God, difpofes us afterwards to commit the fame, and other Sins, maliciously, and in a kind of Defiance to him, which before we 'did out of Weakness and Childish Infirmity, For the Firft Sins which are committed by a Child of God, are Innocent, in refpect of 'the additional Repetitions, which are com'mitted on prefumption of God's reconcileableness, and hopes of Repentance: For this does Two Things; It habituates the Person to the Sin, and makes him more powerfully
difpos'd to it by a bodily and mental Ha'bit and Inclination: And it raifes in his Mind a Senfe of greater Guilt, and by confequence of God's Difpleafure; The effect of which is, that he contracts an Enmity to God; for being habituated and inclin'd to his Sin, and knowing on the other fide, that "God is difpleas'd with him for it, he likewise becomes Angry with God, who ftands in the way of his Enjoyment and Gratifying himfelf; and this breeds Enmity to God, which is the conftant Affection of a Sinner, as Love is of a Saint, and nothing more hardens our 'Heart from returning to God, or concludes us in a state of Sin, than this does; because it makes us Sin maliciously, the Breach is made wide, and Reconciliation not easy; and in the mean time Habits grow Powerful,and they carry away the Soul that is thus Etrang'd from God, with the fame ease,that C a Wolf devours a Solitary Sheep that is gone C aftray, and quite out of the fight of its Shepherd. It is in the condition of the Ifraelites, when Moses was fo long in the Mount; As for this Man (and this God) who brought us out of Egypt, we know not what is become of them: Up, let us make other Gods.
Hear, O Lord my God, the Humble Requeft of Thy Unworthy Servant, according as I unfeignedly defire to pour it out before Thee; Let me have Grace to ferve Thee; Let me be deliver'd from every Sin, and all 'occafions of Falling; Let me have Grace to wait upon Thee with never ceasing Diligence
Diligence, in well-doing in humble, constant, and earnest Prayer; Let me proceed in Holiness, Exemplarinefs, and all Christian Graces; make me Inwardly Sound in refpect of my self, and Outwardly Influential to all I converse with: that thy Grace may be in my Heart and on my Tongue, in my Looks and in my Eyes, and fhine bright in all my Actions.
Teach me, O my God, the wisdom of Salvation, and let me understand Thy Will, and way of proceeding in dealing with my Soul. In all my Sufferings I find that this gives me eafe, and makes me able quietly to fubmit, while Thou doft tell my Soul, It is thy Will I fhou'd thus Suffer; For in fubmitC ting to Thy Will, I hope to please Thee; and in gaining Thy Favour, I gain more than the World can make me lofe, Fare• wel then all Projects and vain Contrivances; this is the Will of my God, This must be best for my Soul; Here I will stay, and here will I fubmit.
The great Benefit of these fevere Tryals, from Sickness and other Afflictions he expreffes in the following Meditation, Compos'd foon after the Former.
O Lord, Thou didst bring the Wife Heathen to the knowledge of Thy Son, by the leading of a Star: How carly didít Thou make them partakers of this great 'Bleffing! whofe Minds having duly improv'd their Natural Light, Thou didst Form by Thy Blessed Spirit to that degree of Saving
Humility, that they were not offended at the ' meannefs of our Saviours Circumstances. Had not that exceeding great Joy, wherewith they were Tranfported, when they faw the Star Conducting them to the place where our Saviour lay, buried all Carnal Affections in them, the Pride of their Heart wou'd have made them have flung back, as Naaman • did from Elisha, faying, furely we thought to have found fome great Prince richly Attended, and in defpight of the Heavenly Signal, counted all but a Delufion, and have refus'd to have fubmitted their reafon to fo 'great Abfurdities: But Thou, O Lord, didft not only enlighten their Eyes, but touch their Hearts, and inflame their Spirits with Heavenly Affections, fo that when they faw the Star, they rejoyced with exceeding great Joy. Thou, O Lord, haft thought fit to Afflict me in divers manners; in Mercy I Trust for the good of my Soul, that thou may'ft not Condemn me with the World: But, O Gracicious Lord, while I find my Soul mov'd to Thee by fuch Chaftifements, while I find each of them to have its natural and due Effect upon my Spirit, while I find my Soul humbled by Reproaches, my Mind drawn off the World, and refign'd to Thee with humble and contented dependance at Loffes; while it is thus with me upon each Occafion; Let Men contemn and speak evil of me; 'Let the News come of the lofs of my Estate or other Calamity, I fhall Rejoyce, O my ? God, with exceeding great Joy; because it
brings me to the Haven were I would be, and to 'that temper of Mind, which is more precious than all things upon Earth. Indeed ' while Afflictions have not this due Effect they are like wandering Fires, that lead my Soul 'fo much the more Aftray; but when they 'have, they are like this Blessed Star that Con'ducts me to my Saviour; whom when I 'find warming my Soul with heavenly Affections, I cannot but Rejoice with exceeding great Joy; with Joy, to find my Lord, while I lose the World; with Joy to find my heavenly Phyfick work kindly on my Soul; and an Eternal Health fpringing up in it. 'O my God, fo guide me, fo conduct me, fo prepare my Soul, and temper my Mind, that I may chearfully follow the Motions of Thy Blessed Providence, and yield my self to the mighty Workmanship of thy Eternal • Spirit.
There is another thing which I fhall here take notice of, concerning Mr. Bonnell's early and happy progrefs in Piety; which is, that as both at Cambridge,and Mr. Freeman's he was a conftant Communicant, fo his felf Examinations for the Sacrament were ftrict and severe. He began very early a most useful Practice, which he continued during his whole Life, and that was, upon every Return of the Holy Sacrament, to put down in Writing those Thoughts which at that time most Affected and Entertained his Mind. I have a good number of Sacramental Meditations, compos'd by him, betwixt the Twenty First and Twen