Billeder på siden
PDF
ePub

ing given me a more favourable opinion of these old authors, I was inclined to examine them, and I read part of the book with some degree of attention. And though many things seemed hard sayings that I could not receive, yet others were made very useful to me, especially concerning justification. In short, I perceived that the very doctrine, which I had hitherto despised as methodistical, was indisputably the standard-doctrine of the established church, when the homilies were composed: and consequently that it is so still; for they have lost none of their authority, (however fallen into disrepute,) with those who subscribe the thirty-nine articles. This weakened my prejudice, though it did not prove the doctrine true.

About this time a new and unexpected effect was produced by my preaching.-I had hitherto been satisfied to see people regularly frequent the church, listen attentively to what was discoursed, and lead moral decent lives. The way in which I had been led was so smooth, and the progress I had made so gradual; I had lately experienced so little distressing concern for my own soul, and had so little acquaintance with persons conversant in these matters; that while I declared the strictness, spirituality, and sanction of the law of God in an alarming manner, it never occurred to me that my hearers might not proceed in the same easy gradual way. But I had scarcely begun this new method of preaching, when application was made to me by persons in great distress about their souls; for, their consciences being awakened to a sense of their lost condition by nature and practice, they were anxious in enquiring what they must do to

be saved? I knew not well what to say to them, my views being greatly clouded, and my sentiments concerning justification very much perplexed; but, being willing to give them the best counsel I could, I exhorted them in a general way to believe in the Lord Jesus Christ; though I was incapable of instructing them either concerning the true nature of faith, or in what manner they were to seek it. However, I better understood my own meaning, when I advised them to the study of the Scriptures, accompanied with prayer to God to be enabled rightly to understand them; and when I inculcated amendment of life. In this manner the Lord slowly brought them forwards: and though, for want of a better instructor, they were a considerable time before they arrived at establishment in the faith; yet some of them, having their minds less leavened with prejudice and the pride of reasoning, were more apt scholars in the school of Christ than I was, and got the start of me in the knowledge both of doctrine and duty; and in their turns became, without intending it, in some respects monitors to me, and I derived important advantage from them.

This singular circumstance, of being an instrument in bringing others earnestly and successfully to enquire after salvation, while I so little understood the true gospel of Jesus Christ, very much increased my perplexity. I became doubly earnest to know the truth, lest I should mislead those, who confided their precious souls to me as their spiritual instructor. This added to my diligence in reading and meditating on the word of God; and made me more fervent in prayer to be guided to the knowledge of the truth. And

under every difficulty, I constantly had recourse unto the Lord, to preserve me from ignorance and error, and to enable me to distinguish between the doctrines of his word, and the inventions and traditions of men.

About this time, I established a weekly Lecture for expounding the scriptures in my other parish, by which I obtained further acquaintance with the various parts of the word of God. It was my general practice, in penning these Lectures, to search out all the texts referred to in the margin of the Bible, with such as I could recollect upon the subject, and to make use of them in explaining each other. This method enabled me to store my memory with the language of Scripture; and made way for a greater exactness in discussing doctrinal subjects than I had hitherto been acquainted with.

In the course of the winter, 1777, I was engaged in deep meditation upon Luke xi. 9-13, concerning the Holy Spirit being given in answer to prayer. And at length, having made a collection of all the Scriptures I could meet with which related to that important doctrine, diligently comparing them together, and meditating upon them, and earnestly besceching the Lord to fulfil the promise to my soul, I wrote two sermons upon the subject; one from Luke xi. 13: "If ye then being evil know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that "ask him:" The other from James i. 16, 17; "Do not err, my beloved brethren, every good gift, "and every perfect gift, is from above, and cometh "down from the Father of lights." Thus my views

of a christian's privileges and duties in this respect were much enlarged, and my requests were made known unto the Lord in a more full, exact, and believing manner than before. Though I still remained very ignorant in many important matters respecting the person, offices, and work, of the Holy Ghost; yet I had discovered more of what was promised concerning him, and therefore knew better what to ask.

My obligations to Bishop Beveridge must here be acknowledged.-When I first began to peruse his sermons, I conceived a mean opinion of him; and it was some time before I could prevail with myself to examine any further into his writings: but being now more advanced in my enquiry after truth, those singularities which at first offended me became tolerable, and I began to relish the simplicity, spirituality, love of Christ, and affection for souls, which eminently shine forth in many parts of his works. Indeed, I reccived considerable instruction from him; but especially his sermon on the real satisfaction made by the death of Christ for the sins of believers, was the blessed means of clearing up my views, and confirming my faith, respecting that fundamental doctrine of Christianity. On Good Friday, 1777, I preached a sermon upon that subject, from Isaiah liii. 6. “All "we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his one way, and the Lord hath laid

66

66

[hath caused to meet] on him the iniquities of us "all." I endeavoured to prove, (what has ever since been the sole foundation of all my hopes,) that Christ indeed bare the sins of all who should ever truly believe, in all their guilt, condemnation, and deserved

punishment, in his own body on the tree. I explicitly avowed my belief, that Christ, as our Surety and Bondsman, stood in our law-place, to answer all our obligations, and to satisfy divine justice and the demands of the law for our offences: and I publickly renounced as erroneous, and grievous perversions of Scripture, all my former explanations and interpretations of these subjects.

This was the first doctrine in which I was clearly and fully brought to acknowledge the truth; though I had with no little earnestness for two years been enquiring about it; to so astonishing a degree was my blinded understanding filled with prejudice against the doctrines of the word of God! Hitherto they had been foolishness to me; but now under the divine teaching I began, though very dimly, to discern the wisdom of God in them.

I say dimly; for I was still under many and great mistakes, and very ignorant in many important points. -I knew sin to be the transgression of the divine law; but I did not perceive its odious deformity, as deliberate rebellion against God's sovereign authority, and an express contradiction to his holy nature; as charging God foolishly, with the want of either wisdom or goodness, in laying such restraints upon the inclinations of his creatures; and as tending to overturn all subordination in the universe, and to introduce anarchy, confusion, and misery into the whole creation. I had discovered that my best actions were defiled; but I understood not that this was the effect of a depraved nature, and a polluted heart. The doctrine of original sin, as the fruitful root of these mul

« ForrigeFortsæt »