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tiplied evils, was as yet no part of my creed. Inconsistently I was an Arian or a Clarkist, in my sentiments concerning the person of Christ, and the divinity of the Holy Ghost. Some faint conceptions I had formed of the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit in the soul; the beginnings of it I little understood: and I continued to entertain an implacable enmity to the doctrine of election, and the truths more intimately connected with it. But my faith was now fixed upon a crucified Saviour, (though I dishonoured his person, and denied his Deity,) and I had a sincere desire of being devoted to the Lord. He therefore in mercy accepted his own work in my heart, and pardoned all that was mine; and at length extricated me from that labyrinth of perplexities and inconsistencies in which I was entangled.

About this time in the course of my lectures, our Lord's discourse with Nicodemus came again under my consideration. Notwithstanding much meditation and many prayers, I could not satisfy my mind about it. I was convinced some internal change must be implied in the expressions, "born again," and "born "of the Spirit:" and, according to what I had experienced, I endeavoured to explain it; but I was still very confused in my views of that important subject, and had many doubts whether I were right or wrong in what I advanced.

Hitherto, excepting Leland On the Deistical Writers,' I had not read any book written by a Dissenter, with the least degree of candour and attention; but at this crisis I met with the first volume of Dr. Evans's sermons, entitled The Christian Temper. I was

induced to read it by the recommendation of a friend; but (such was my proud foolish heart) I opened it with great prejudice because I understood that the author was a Dissenter! However, this book came with a blessing; for by perusing it I at length perceived that fallen man, both body and soul, is indeed carnal and sold under sin; that by nature in every man living the reasonable and immortal part is destitute of spirituality, immersed in matter, and, by a dishonourable and miserable prostitution, given up "to make provision for the flesh to fulfil the lusts "thereof;" and, that man must be renewed in the spirit of his mind, new created unto good works, born of the spirit of God, made partaker of a new and divine nature, before he can possibly be made meet for, or admitted into, the kingdom of God. In a very little time all my difficulties about this matter vanished, and the truth became so exceedingly plain and evident, that, until I had made the experiment, I could scarcely be persuaded but that every person, who heard it rightly explained, must assent to it.This doctrine. I have ever since invariably preached, with good effect, I trust, in opening the eyes of sinners, and "turning them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan unto God." (Acts xxvi. 28.) 18 When I had made this little progress in seeking the truth, my acquaintance with Mr. -resumed. From the conclusion of our correspondence in December, 1775, till April, 1777, it had been almost wholly dropped. To speak plainly, I did not care for his company; I did not mean to make any use of him as an instructor; and I was unwilling the VOL. I.

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world should think us in any way connected. But under discouraging circumstances, I had occasion to call upon him and his discourse so comforted and edified me, that my heart, being by his means relieved from its burden, became susceptible of affection for him. From that time I was inwardly pleased to have him for my friend; though not as now rejoiced to call him so. I had, however, even at that time, no thoughts of learning doctrinal truth from him, and was ashamed to be detected in his company: but I sometimes stole a way to spend an hour with him. About the same period, I once heard him preach; but still it was foolishness to me, his sermon being principally upon the believer's experience, in some particulars with which I was unacquainted: so that though I loved and valued him, I considered him as a person misled by enthusiastical notions; and strenuously insisted that we should never think alike till we met in heaven.

All along in the progress of this enquiry, I grew more and more concerned about my character. I saw myself continually verging nearer and nearer to that scheme of doctrine, which the world calls Methodism; nor could I help it without doing violence to my convictions. I had indeed set out with the avowed, and I trust sincere, resolution of seeking the truth as impartially as possible; and of embracing it wherever I might find it, without respect to interest, reputation, or any worldly consideration whatever. I had taken patiently, and sustained comfortably, the loss of my opening prospect of preferment, I trust chiefly from the supports of grace, and the consciousness of having acted with integrity; but I am not sure but my de

ceitful heart might also derive some support, from a vain imagination that my character would be no loser. Ambitious thirst after the praise of men was much more my peculiar corruption than covetousness: and I had been in no ordinary degree proud of my natural understanding. I had been accustomed to hear the people called Methodists mentioned with contempt, as ignorant and deluded, as fools, and sometimes as madmen: and with no small degree of complacency and self-preference, I too had despised them as weak enthusiasts. But I now began to be apprehensive, that the tables were about to be turned upon me. If I professed and taught these doctrines, I must no longer be considered as a man of sober understanding: but as one of those persons, whose heads, being naturally weak, had been turned by religious studies; and who, having fallen under the power of enthusiasm, had become no better than fools or madmen.

This was the sharpest trial I passed through: for I had not yet learned, that "when we are reproached "for the name of Christ, happy are we." Nor did I remember, with due consideration of the reasons assignable for so extraordinary a circumstance, that the apostles were fools for Christ's sake;" were deemed "beside themselves;" and went "through evil report " and good report, as deceivers, and yet true;" that they were "every where spoken against," as the men that turned the world upside down;" were treat"ed as "vain bablers," and "accounted the filth of "the world, and the offscouring of all things." I did not consider that Jesus himself, "the brightness of the "Father's glory," the Word and Wisdom of God,"

who, "went about doing good," and "spake as “ never man spake," was not only rejected, but despised as not worth hearing, as "one that had a devil," as in league with the devil, as "a blasphemer," a Sa"maritan," "a madman," yea, "a devil."

I read indeed, but my understanding was not yet opened to understand, such plain Scriptures as these, "If ye were of the world, the world would love his

own; but because ye are not of the world, but I "have chosen you out of the world, therefore the "world hateth you. Remember the word that I said "unto you: The servant is not greater than his Lord; "if they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you." (John xv. 19, 20.) "The disciple is not above "his master, nor the servant above his Lord. If they "have called the master of the house Beelzebub, how "much more shall they call them of the household ?"

' (Matt. x. 24, 25.) Blessed are ye when men shall "revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all man"ner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. Rejoice, "and be exceeding glad, for great is your reward in "heaven; for so persecuted they the prophets that were "before you." (Matt. v. 11, 12.) Not being aware of these consequences when my resolution was first formed, I was as one who has begun to build without counting the cost, and was greatly disturbed when I saw the favourite idol of my proud heart, my character, in such imminent danger.

It must be supposed that this apprehension would make me cautious what doctrines I admitted into my creed; and unwilling to be convinced that those things were true and important, the profession of which was

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