HINTS TOWARDS AN ESSAY ON CONVERSATION.

I have obferved few obvious fubjects to have been • fo feldom, or, at least, fo flightly handled as this; and ' indeed, I know few fo difficult to be treated as it 6 ought, nor yet upon which there feemeth so much to 'be faid.

Moft things, pursued by men for the happiness of public or private life, our wit or folly have fo refined, that they seldom subsist but in idea; a true friend, a · good marriage, a perfect form of government, with fome others, require fo many ingredients, fo good in 'their several kinds, and fo much niceness in mixing 'them, that for fome thousands of years, men have de'fpaired of reducing their schemes to perfection: But, in Conversation, it is, or might be otherwife; for here we are only to avoid a multitude of errors, which, although a matter of fome difficulty, may be in every 'man's power, for want of which it remaineth as meer < an idea as the other. Therefore it feemeth to me, *that the trueft way to understand Converfation, is to 'know the faults and errors to which it is subject, and 'from thence every man to form maxims to himself whereby it may be regulated, because it requireth few talents to which moft men are not born, or at least may not acquire without any great genius or ftudy. For nature hath left every man a capacity of being agreeable, though not of fhining in company; and there are an hundred men fufficiently qualified for both, who, by a very few faults, that they might cor❝rect in half an hour, are not so much as tolerable.

I was prompted to write my thoughts upon this fub'ject, by meer indignation, to reflect that fo useful • and innocent a pleasure, fo fitted for every period and condition of life, and fo much in all men's power, • should be fo much neglected and abused.

And in this difcourfe it will be neceffary to note 'those errors that are obvious, as well as others which

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are feldomer obferved, fince there are few fo obvious or acknowledged, into which moft men, fome time * or other, are not apt to run.

For inftance: nothing is more generally exploded, than the folly of talking too much; yet I rarely re⚫ member to have feen five people together, where fome one among them hath not been predominant in that 'kind, to the great constraint and difguft of all the rest. 'But among fuch as deal in multitudes of words, none are comparable to the fober deliberate talker, who pro⚫ceedeth with much thought and caution, maketh his ⚫ preface, brancheth out into feveral digreffions, findeth a hint that putteth him in mind of another story, which he promiseth to tell you when this is done; 'cometh back regularly to his fubject, cannot readily 'call to mind some perfon's name, holdeth his head, ' complaineth of his memory; the whole company all this while in fufpence; at length fays, it is no matter, and fo goes on. And, to crown the business, it perhaps proveth, at last, a story the company hath heard fifty times before; or, at beft, fome infipid adventure of the relater.

Another general fault in converfation is, that of those who affect to talk of themselves: Some, without any ceremony, will run over the hiftory of their lives; will relate the annals of their diseases, with the feveral fymptoms and circumftances of them; will ⚫ enumerate the hardships and injuftice they have suffered in court, in parliament, in love, or in law. Others are more dexterous, and with great art will lie on the watch to hook in their own praife: They will call a a witnefs to remember, they always foretold what 'would happen in such a case, but none would believe them; they advised such a man from the beginning, and told him the confequences, juft as they happened; but he would have his own way. Others make a vanity of telling their faults; they are the strangeft men in the world; they cannot diffemble; they own it is a folly; they have loft abundance of advantages

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by it; but, if you would give them the world, they ' connot help it; there is something in their nature that abhors infincerity and constraint; with many other 'unfufferable topics of the fame altitude.

"Of fuch mighty importance every man is to himself, and ready to think he is fo to others; without once making this eafy and obvious reflexion, that his affairs ' can have no more weight with other men, than their's have with him; and how little that is, he is fenfible ❝ enough.

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'Where company hath met, I often have observed two perfons difcover, by fome accident, that they were bred together at the fame fchool or university; after which the reft are condemned to filence, and to liften while thefe two are refreshing each other's memory with the arch tricks and paffages of themfelves * and their comrades.

I know a great officer of the army, who will fit for fome time with a fupercilious and impatient filence, full of anger and contempt for those who are talking; at length of a fudden, demand audience, decide the • matter in a short dogmatical way; then withdraw within himself again, and vouchsafe to talk no more, until his fpirits circulate again to the fame point.

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There are fome faults in converfation, which none are fo fubject to as the men of wit, nor ever fo much as when they are with each other. If they have opened their mouths, without endeavouring to say a witty thing, they think it is fo many words loft: It is < a torment to the hearers, as much as to themselves, to fee them upon the rack for invention, and in perpetual constraint, with fo little fuccefs. They must 'do fomething extraordinary, in order to acquit themfelves, and answer their character, else the standersby may be difappointed, and be apt to think them only like the rest of mortals. I have known two 'men of wit induftrioufly brought together, in order to entertain the company, where they have made a

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very. ridiculous figure, and provided all the mirth at ⚫ their own expence.

I know a man of wit, who is never eafy but where he can be allowed to dictate and prefide; he neither ' expecteth to be informed or entertained, but to display ⚫ his own talents. His business is to be good company, ' and not good conversation; and, therefore, he chuseth 'to frequent those who are content to liften, and pro'fefs themselves his admirers. And, indeed, the worst ' conversation I ever remember to have heard in my life, was that at Will's coffee-houfe, where the wits (as) they were called) used formerly to affemble; that is to fay, five or fix men, who had writ plays, or at leaft prologues, or had share in a miscellany, came 'thither, and entertained one another with their trifling compofures, in so important an air, as if they had ⚫ been the nobleft efforts of human nature, or that the 'fate of kingdoms depended on them; and they were ufually attended with an humble audience of young ftudents from the inns of courts, or the univerfities, who, at due distance, liftened to these oracles, and ' returned home with great contempt for their law and 'philofophy, their heads filled with trash, under the ' name of politeness, criticism, and belles lettres.

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By these means, the poets, for many years paft, ' were all over-run with pedantry. For, as I take it, 'the word is not properly used; becaufe pedantry is 'the too frequent or unfeasonable obtruding our own 'knowledge in common difcourfe, and placing too 'great a value upon it; by which definition, men of 'the court or the army may be as guilty of pedantry, as a philofopher or a divine; and it is the fame vice ' in women, when they are over-copious upon the sub'ject of their petticoats, or their fans, or their china. For which reafon, although it be a piece of prudence, as well as good manners, to put men upon talking on fubjects they are best versed in, yet that is a liberty a ' wife man could hardly take; because, befide the imVOL. I. 'putation

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putation of pedantry, it is what he would never improve by.

This great town is ufually provided with fomhe player, mimic or buffoon, who hath a general reception at the good tables; familiar and domeftic with perfons of the first quality, and usually sent for at every meeting to divert the company; against ' which I have no objection. You go there as to a farce or a puppet-show; your business is only to laugh in ❝ season, either out of inclination or civility, while this 'merry companion is acting his part. It is a business he hath undertaken, and we are to fuppofe he is paid for his day's work. I only quarrel, when in felect and 'private meetings, where men of wit and learning are 'invited to pass an evening, this jefter should be ad'mitted to run over his circle of tricks, and make the 'whole company unfit for any other conversation, 'befides the indignity of confounding mens talents at • fo fhameful a rate.

• Raillery is the finest part of conversation ; but, as it is our ufual cuftom to counterfeit and adulterate what⚫ ever is too dear for us, fo we have done with this, and • turned it all into what is generally called repartee, or being fmart; juft as when an expenfive fashion cometh up, those who are not able to reach it, content themfelves with fome paltry imitation. It now paffeth for raillery, to run a man down in difcourfe, to put him ' out of countenance, and make him ridiculous, fometimes to expofe the defects of his perfon or understanding; on all which occafions he is obliged not to 'be angry, to avoid the imputation of not being able

to take a jeft. It is admirable to obferve one who is • dextrous at this art, fingling out a weak adversary, getting the laugh on his fide, and then carrying all • before him. The French, from whom we borrow the word, have a quite different idea of the thing, and fo had we in the politer age of our fathers. Raillery was to fay fomething that at first appeared a reproach

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