Whilft with concern I ran these mischiefs o'er, Satis Eloquentia Sapientiæ parum." OTHING has been more generally objected against the English, than their taciturnity, and feeming averfion to long confabulations: fo that their filent minute is as trite an obfervation, as their respect for beef and pudding, or blind hatred of popery and wooden fhoes. But as this falfe notion was at firft ftarted and propagated from principles very unphilofophical, viz. that none but those who talked fenfe and reafon, fpake at all: how much its authors erred, will appear from a flight view of modern converfation, and a juft definition of fpeaking in company, drawn from the most received Idea of it; and this I take to be a lavish profufion of words, with little or no connection, fenfe, or meaning (as BAYS, in the Rehearfal, makes five plays to one plot.) How far this runs parallel with, or deviates from the Antients opinion of it, I fhall not enquire; fufficient 'twill be for me, if it is approved by our open-mouthed, as well as open-hearted Britons ; which will eafily appear from the above-mentioned view. And here what delicious fcenes, what beauteous arca's of Anaphora's, Epanadiplofiis's, and all the fhining figures of tautology expand themselves! 'i a སྙན་ཏི Each Briton here his inbred art displays, How How defpicable a figure does Virgil Te dulcis conjux, te folo in littore fecum, make, in competition with an Englishman's fays he's, and fays l's? Nor can any deny the great utility, as well as perfpicuity that attends them; I am confident, had HORACE and PERSIUS been more liberal of these figures, the firft had not been fo unintelligible, nor the latter fo often difmiffed with "Ah, abi fi nolis legi." VIRGIL, indeed, and HOMER, feem very fenfible of the great luftre thefe phrafes give a fpeech; the first therefore has very judiciously tagg'd almost every harangue with a dixit, or fic fatus, at each end; and the latter inferted his τουαπαμειβόμενος and Ως έφατ, in every page. But to return; what can be a greater inftance of their averfion to taciturnity, than the frequent use of thofe fonorous monofyllables, Blood, Zounds, &c? None fure but an Englishman's fruitful genius could have produced fuch graceful particles, fuch innocent decorations as these certainly are; for no one can imagine an harmless beau means any thing by, G-d d-me, he's glad to fee you; when his poor abilities can't reach the spelling, much lefs the fignification of the included curfe. CICERO, indeed, has attempted fomewhat of this nature, with his Dii Immortales, and Patres confcripti ; TERENCE with his Pols, Edepols, and Mehercules; these made a tolerable figure once; but how infinitely fhort of our modern converfe, and rhetorical performances! how much brighter shines even the common chat of our military sparks, and gentlemen of the longrobe nay of our vulgar mechanics, draymen and porters of what great ufe are fuch like words, though of a more ferious nature, to our modern cushionthumpers how beautifully have they filled, a paufe, with, an otherwife ufelefs, O God! O Lard! and thereby melted their audience into tears! when a more abftemious clergyman muft have had recourfe to a grave hem, or his handkerchief; by the firft of which he could only have caufed an univerfal fympathetic cough, and by the latter fet their noses a running, as the Mappa Miffa of the Antients did their horfes. It would be endlefs (I hope needlefs) after what's faid above, to fum up all the pretty arts of beginning and prolonging difcourfe; or fay how indefatigably induftrious moft people are in doing it; a neighbour of mine, who has ftudied this art near fixty years, and is an carly rifer, fpends his time from fun-rife till eight, in good-morrows, and telling paffengers what fort of a morning it is; from thence till dinner in fage conjectures and confultations how the day will prove; all the afternoon in telling them it rains or fhines; and the evening in notable remarks on the preceding day. This he claims as a peculiar Noftrum to allure company, and introduce loquacity; but I'm credibly informed several others practise it with equal fuccefs; I have therefore mentioned it for the public good. My barber makes ufe of a well, and how d'ye ? only, with tolerable encouragement.Inquiries after news are trite and fruitful topics of this nature; but above all commend me to that worthy ftudent of a learned univerfity, who began his declamation with Quid multis opus eft? Nor are their geniufes lefs fruitful in protracting, and spinning out their Lockcram (as we phrase it) though their moft copious fubjects are only scandal and apparitions; yet it is amazing to fee how wonderfully they improve them; fo alluring are the charms of mouth-exercise, that scarce any one fpares acquaintance, friends, or relations but give up all fenfe of benefits and duty to fupport their chat, in bonum pub. How furprizingly claborate are they in fleaing their neighbours, and murdering their reputations, as the Indians do the white men, only to fet their chaps a going! Their inventions are no lefs teeming, in relation to witches, good and bad ghofts, conjurors, will o'the whifp's, &c. nay, rather than fail, you fhall have the fame fpirits, or devilry, acted in ev'ry town and village throughout his majefty's dominions. For inftance; I don't believe there's ever a city or market-town in Great-Britain, but has had a conjurer, once upon a time, in it, who raised a tree on a table, made devils cut it down again, &c. and one of the company conveyed a chip away, which next morning either flew away with a flack of chimnies, fired the houfe, or was turned to a hell-fire cinder, and fielt of brimftone. Nor do they only run on those common ftories; every inhabitant, male or female, has a peculiar favourite apparition, who, one time or another, has paid him a vifible vifit; or at leaft been fo courteous as to trundle half a fcore pewter difhes round the houfe; this is fo fashionable an help to difcourfe, that a man or woman without it would look as odd as a Spaniard without his muftachoes, or a court-lady hoopless. Henceforward, I hope, no one of common fenfe, or common modefty, will pretend to accufe my countrymen of referved nefs or taciturnity; fince they have not only fo far improved the antient loquacity, but invented phrafes and impertinences of their own natural growth, nay, even brought back departed fouls, to help them at a dead-lift. Some crabby-headed fellows, it is true, have endeavoured to exprefs a great deal of fenfe and reafon in few words; but to ufe a multitude without the leaft grain of either, muft be allowed the undeniable province of a true-born ENGLISHMAN. Το V To a married L A D Y. AIN are the charms inferior women boaft, How fcorn'd each pleasure that the world can fhew! Their eager meanings to difcover long, When fancy struggles on unpractis'd tongue," Watch o'er their fteps, and if they heedlefs move, Then join with tendernefs the infant play, And sweetly trifle all their hours away. "So the bleft guardians of the good and juft, ut bef |