340 JUST GROUND OF DIVORCE. 713. In consequence of a certain crime, however, this relation may legally terminate during the lifetime of the parties. The act of adultery, whether committed by the husband or wife, is a just and scriptural ground of divorce, or separation. Matt. v. 32; Luke xvi. 18; Mark x. 4-12; Matt. xix. 3-12. This act furnishes, according to the law of God-the Scriptures-the only just ground of divorce, or of full release from matrimonial obligations. It is a direct violation of the marriage vow, giving the aggrieved party a right to demand the dissolution of an engagement which the other has broken by retracting the pledge solemnly given at the commence ment. It is to be observed, however, that adultery does not ipso facto, by the act itself, dissolve the conjugal relation: it only invests the sufferer with the right to demand the dissolution of it from competent authority. If the wife, or the husband, does not choose to exercise the right, things legally remain as they were. There are other grounds of separation recognized in civil law, and in practice, which will be presented under the head of Divorce. III. Duties of the Married State. 714. (1.) The ground of all duties, common to husband and wife, is love. A married couple without mutual regard is one of the most pitiable spectacles on earth. They cannot, and indeed, in ordinary circumstances, ought not to separate, and yet they remain united only to be a torment to each other. They serve one important purpose, however, in the history of mankind, and that is, to be a beacon to all who are yet disengaged, to warn them against the sin and folly of forming this union upon any other basis than that of a pure and mutual attachment; and to admonish all that are so united, to watch and maintain, with most assiduous vigilance, their mutual regard. If they would preserve love, let them be sure to study most accurately each other's tastes and distastes, and most anxiously abstain from whatever, even in the minutest things, they know to be contrary to them. Further, let them most carefully avoid all curious and DUTIES OF THE MARRIED STATE. 341 frequently repeated distinctions of MINE and THINE; for this has caused all the laws, and all the suits, and all the wars in the world. Let those who have but one person, have also but one interest. Instances may occur, in which there may, and must be, a separate investiture of property, and a sovereign and independent right of disposal in the woman: in this case, the most anxious care should be taken by the husband not to attempt to invade that right; and by the wife, neither ostentatiously to speak of it, nor rigidly to claim it, nor selfishly to exercise it. (2.) Mutual respect is a duty of married life; for though the Scriptures enjoin on the wife especial reverence toward the husband, yet is respect due from the husband also. But that each may be respected, each much possess a character, and so act, as to be really respectable, or worthy of respect. It is, and ought to be, a more dreadful thing for a married couple to lose their mutual respect, than to lose the respect of the world. (3.) Mutual attachment to each other's society is a duty common to husband and wife. They are united, in order to be companions. It is absurd for those who have no prospect of dwelling together, to enter this state; and those who are already in it should not be unnecessarily abroad. When from home, they cannot discharge the duties they owe to their household. There are some husbands who seem fonder of any society than the company of their wives, as appears from the disposal of their leisure hours. How few of these are appropriated to the wife! It is a sad reflection upon a man when he is fond of spending his evenings abroad. It implies something bad, and it predicts something worse. And then, to insure, as far as possible, the society of her husband, at his own fireside, let the wife be "a keeper at home," and do all in her power to render that fireside as attractive as good temper, neatness, and cheerful, affectionate conversation, can make it. But the pleasures of home must not be allowed to interfere with the calls and claims of public duty. Wives must not ask, and husbands must not give, that time which is demanded for the cause of God and man. 342 DUTIES OF THE MARRIED STATE. (4.) Mutual forbearance is another duty. This we owe to all, not excepting the stranger or an enemy; and most certainly it must not be denied to our nearest and dearest earthy friend. Wherever sin or imperfection exists, there is room for the forbearance of love. is no perfection on earth. wives. There (5.) Mutual assistance, is the duty of husbands and The wife should be willing to help the husband by her counsel in matters of business; while he should be willing to share with her the burden of domestic anxieties and fatigues. They should be helpful to each other also in the concerns of personal religion. The highest end of the connubial state is lost if it be not rendered helpful to our piety, and yet this end is too generally neglected, even by professors of religion. This mutual help should extend to the maintenance of all the habits of domestic order, discipline, and piety. They must also be helpful to each other, in works of humanity and religious benevolence. (6.) Mutual sympathy is required, not only in reference to their sicknesses, but to all their afflictions, whether personal or relative: all their sorrows should be common. 715. There are special duties which the husband owes to the wife, and again those which the wife owes to the husband, for the understanding of which "James's Guide to Domestic Happiness" may be consulted. We shall furnish from that admirable work an illustration of two or three duties which are especially important to be exhibited in the wife. The first of these is (1.) Meekness, which the apostle Peter enjoins upon every wife to cultivate. He speaks of the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit. No one stands in greater need of this disposition than the female head of a family; either the petulance and waywardness of children, or the neglect and misconduct of servants, or the sharp words of a husband, are almost sure, if she be easily provoked, to keep her in a state of painful irritation all the day long. (2.) The strength of woman lies not in resisting, but in yielding; her power is in her gentleness: there is more of real defense, and more of that aggressive operation too, which disarms a foe, in one mild look, or one soft accent, than in hours of flashing glances, and of angry tones. DUTIES OF A WIFE. 343 (3.) The ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, is enjoined by an apostle in contrast with outward adorning of the person, which he forbids-which teaches us that less attention should be paid to the decoration of the person; more to that of the mind. 1 Tim. ii. 9, 10; 1 Pet. iii. 3, 4. 716. The evils of an improper attention to dress, are the following: (1.) Much precious time is wasted in the study, and arrangements, and decision of this matter. (2.) The attention is taken off from the improvement of the mind and the heart, to the decoration of the person. (3.) The mind is filled with pride and vanity, and love of display, and the true dignity of the soul is degraded. (4.) Money is wasted which is wanted for relieving the misery, and improving the condition of mankind. "We sacrifice to dress, till household joys And comforts cease. Dress drains our cellar dry, Where peace and hospitality might reign." 717. ECONOMY and ORDER in the management of her personal and domestic expenditure, is the obvious duty of a wife. A showy, luxurious, and expensive taste is almost universally cherished in this age, where there are no means at the same time to support it. 718. A wife should be most attentive to all that concerns the welfare and comfort of the family. none. For this purpose she must be "a keeper at home;" otherwise she cannot discharge the duties that devolve upon her. Whoever has leisure for gossiping, she has A mother's place is in the midst of her family; a mother's duties, are to take care of them. Even a taste for literature must be kept within due bounds, and not be allowed to interfere with her household duties. Much less must a taste for company be allowed to draw a wife too much out of the circle of her cares and duties, leaving the family at home to themselves, or to the care of servants. Even attention to the public duties of religion must be regulated by a due regard to domestic claims. Yet many go to an opposite extreme, and make these claims an excuse for neglecting almost entirely the public duties of religion. 344 BENEFITS OF MARRIAGE. IV. Benefits of the Marriage Institution. 719. That God regards the marriage institution as highly beneficial, appears, from its early institution by him; from his guarding the invasion of it by an express precept in the Decalogue; from the severity of Jewish laws requiring the punishment of its violation; and from the threatenings of eternal vengeance for the same crime. 720. There are several benefits which it is adapted to bestow: (1.) The private comfort of individuals; especially of the female sex. Though all persons are not concerned in this reason, yet it is a reason for abstaining from any conduct which tends in its general consequence to obstruct marriage. "Licentious men," says Dr. Dwight, "both of ancient and modern times, have carried on a course of open and incessant hostility against this institution, as they have indeed against all the real interests of mankind. In the progress of this warfare they have arraigned the wisdom, and denied the benefits of it; charged upon it evils which it does not produce, and enhanced those which are incident to the marriage state." Having admitted the fact that there are many unhappy marriages, from an imprudent selection of partners; from entering into the married state without real love and esteem for the other party, for the sake of property perhaps; and from conduct inconsistent with the duties of the married state, he proceeds to say," I have lived in very many families; and these, often in plain, as well as polished life. With very many more, extensively diversified in character and circumstances, I have been intimately acquainted. By the evidence arising from these facts, I am convinced that the great body of married persons are rendered more happy by this union; and are as happy, as their character and their circumstances could permit us to expect." (2.) The preservation and comfort of children, their better education, and the making of due provision for their settlement in life. (3.) The peace of human society, in cutting off a principal source of contention-existing where this institution is not observed. |