loden; some were hanged-the chief among the rest-his sister went into a convent-the old Scotch laird went into hiding-the young Englishman had great trouble in getting his pardon; but before long the government grew good-natured-he went back to Scotland once more-fell over head and ears worse than ever with the old laird's daughter-married her, and had a large family; and that's what I calls the novel of Waverley; or, 'Tis Sixty Years since. Now, out of that, the book people make three whole volumes. I say it's a reg'lar shame, and a downright waste of paper. There was my predecessor on this road, Fluffy Jack" Here Mr Willock was interrupted by cries of "order, order!" considerable cursing and great confusion-a stranger would have thought he was in the House of Commons. "I say there was my predecessor, Fluffy Jack, that had a grandmother at Devizes Here Mr Mullins rose with great dignity, and seized a large bottle that was fortunately within reach. "I say, old Willock," he cried, "this is too much of a joke. We can't stand poaching on another man's manor in this here way; and if you don't stop that 'ere ugly mouth of yours, you'll never need a tooth-drawer as long as you live. This here gentleman was appointed by the whole of this circuit to put down upon paper all the information he could collect about the gents we have succeeded in our present situations; and if you have any thing to say about Fluffy Jack, or any one else, you had better tell it in private to him, and not blurt it out in this here disgusting manner. I recollect Fluffy Jack myself as if it was yesterday; and I am ready to help with all the information in my power. So I'll tell you how we'll do: you order a jolly supper to-morrow night for him and me-and I can't possibly think of letting you cheaper off after such rombustious behaviour-and between us we shall furnish him with materials for a narrative of Jack's adventures. He was a queer file, and owes me fourteen shillings." After some little hesitation, Mr Mullins's proposition was acceded to, and on the next evening I obtained ample matter for the following account of FLUFFY JACK. Somebody has remarked-or if nobody has remarked it hitherto, I beg to make the remark myself that almost every town has some one particular object of which it is proud. Some are remarkably vain of their church steeples, because they are light and high; others of their church towers, because they are heavy and broad. Some boast of their river, as if no town was ever seen on a river before; and others are full of self-gratulation that they have not even a brook within half-a-dozen miles, Villages again have humbler objects of ambition; some that they have three public-houses, and others that they have none; some that one of their inhabitants has risen to be Lord Mayor of London, and some that three or four of their natives have been hanged; but it was left for the village of Windsley, near Devizes, to plume itself on the enormous powers of gastronomy possessed by one of its principal denizens. John Winnles-more familiarly called Fluffy Jack-was the most extraordinary performer with the knife and fork that modern times have produced; and, in the drinking line, he was equally unrivalled. If his appetite had extended in the same degree to books, he would have eaten through the British Museum in a month. But unfortunately Jack's propensities were by no means literary. Whether it arose from the fact of his whole mental powers being absorbed in the contem. plation of roast and boiled mutton, and other substantial viands, or from some other cause, I cannot say ; but it is beyond all doubt that Jack's enmity to the press qualified him to be a French Censor. He hated the very sight of a book, as he often mentioned, in the most powerful language, to his grandmother; and it is supposed, upon very credible grounds, that if he had not been taught the alphabet in ginger-. bread letters, he would never have acquired a knowledge even of his A, B, C. But, as if in counterpoise to this disinclination to the sciences, he was endowed with almost superhuman powers of body. He could squeeze a pewter He ac natured fellow in England, or I would have broken her neck a dozen times over. There's nothing like being kind to one's own relations." It was in a conversation interspersed with a great many similar reflections that he poured out the story of his life to a young gentleman with whom he had become acquainted in the coffee-room of the White Feathers in Holborn. His companion was very well dressed and very good-looking, and looked on Mr Winnles as a person of the greatest knowledge of life, and always felt when in his company that he was in the presence of a positive hero; for Mr Winnles was not much in the habit of listening to the dictates of his naturally modest disposition, but availed himself of every opportunity of displaying his qualifications to the best advantage. By giving scope to a very vigorous imagination, he improved the simplest incidents in his life, and in this respect was a more estimable character than is often to be met; for he escaped the sin of fighting duels, and breaking young ladies' hearts, and yet had all the fame consequent on those praiseworthy achievements, by a simple ef fort of invention. Mr Henry Bobus believed all that was said, and felt very much flattered by being admitted to the friendship of a person who had been engaged in so many extraordinary adventures, and been so triumphant in them all. pot between his fingers; he could bend a poker over his arm, and lift immense weights, and jump prodigious distances; so that his neighbours in the village of Windsley were as proud of him (as I have remarked already) as if he united in his own person the qualities of the late Mr Dando and Ducrow. The only person who did not share in the general exultation was the venerable old lady at whose hospitable board his principal qualifications were displayed. Every year his fame grew greater, and her butcher's bill more appalling; and at last, by forming a calculation from the past of what his performances were likely to arrive at in the future, she saw before her the dismal prospect of being eaten out of house and home. At twenty-two his powers were only be ginning to be developed; and impelled by her fears of what another year might make him, she summoned courage to impart to her grandson the actual necessity there existed of his looking out for a maintenance for himself. Mr Winnles was a man of prodigious courage, and could not conceal it even from his own grandmother. cordingly told her he was not the least afraid of her, and could thrash a dozen such old women any morning before breakfast. If he had added—he could have eaten them too, he would scarcely have overstated his powers. For a whole month the negotiations were very stormy; at last, however, it was finally settled that the young gentleman should go to London and enter into some occupation; the old lady advancing him forty pounds in hand, and settling an annual allowance on him of the same amount as long as he staid away. As memorials of his respected relative's kindness, he also carried with him all her silver spoons; but, out of consideration for the old lady's comfort, he left behind him a large pewter teapot. No power could have persuaded him to strip her table of such an indispensable article; for if there was any thing besides his bodily advantages of which he was proud, it was of his kindness to his grandmother. "There ain't many chaps," he frequently said, "as would have done as I have done, taking care so many years of an old woman; living with her ever since I was left a orphan at four year old, when father died in the Fleet-and putting up with her stinginess and plain feeding-but I was always the best 66 "Ah, I wish I were such a fellow as you are, Winnles," he said one day. By George! if I had had half the pluck you have, you would never have seen me here." "Pluck!" said the other. "I'm all pluck-I'll eat or drink against e'er a man in England, for fifty guineas-I'll lift weights, or leap a gate, or pitch a bar-I never saw the chap that could beat me. But there's no encouragement here for a man. I see a set of little fellers making their fortunes that I could squeeze into a nutshell; thin fellers with no strength in their backbones, that couldn't eat a couple of herrings. I've always heard that merit's neglected in London, and now I know it's true." Mr Winnles buried his head as he spoke in an enormous pewter pot, and after a few moments of a loud gurgling sound like the Falls of Niagara, on a somewhat diminutive scale, he thumped the vessel on the table-" There!" he said, "emptied at one gulp! I should like to see one of your Londoners do that!" Mr Bobus seemed struck with mingled feelings, at beholding the feat— among which was perceptible a small tincture of disappointment-as he had evidently calculated on being allowed to try his powers on the gigantic tankard. "Ah, never fear, Winnles," he said, "you're sure to get on. I only wish I had half your energy. "Energy, what's that?" enquired Mr Winnles-whose education I have al ready said had been a little neglected "If you mean you wish you had half my beer, my dear feller, you're perfectly welcome to it-paying half the ticket, in course." "Oh no, it wasn't your beer," replied the other, "it was your activity -your enterprize, your confidence, and all that sort of thing. As for me, I can never get on at all, I'm such a shame-faced fellow. I might have been married and rich by this time, if I had had half as much assurance as you." "So might I, a hundred times," replied Mr Winnles ;-" there were four or five girls in Devizes-beautiful creatures--rich girls, too-that were dying to have me. I ate beefsteaks for a wager, with Bill Tuckett, giving him half a pound, and his sister fell in love with me like magic. She has fifteen hundred pounds of her ownbut it was no go. I beat Bill by fourteen ounces, besides two platefuls of pudding, and threw cold water on the girl's advances. I don't think fifteen hundred enough, Bobus-do you?" "My Annie has more than five thousand." "Ah, that's something my eyes! what a lot of brandy and water that would buy!" Mr Winnles became absorbed in the contemplation, being probably engaged in calculating the precise number of glasses the lady's fortune could purchase at the rate of a shilling a piece. "That's what I call a very handsome fortune-why didn't you marry her?" "She likes me very much," said Mr Bobus, "we were neighbours' children-she's told me she liked nobody so well as me-but, somehow, I never could get up courage to ask her father." "Why should you?" interrupted Mr Winnles" it is not him you want to marry, is it? cure the girl, and if the father's impudent, put your fist in his eye-that's how I would serve an old feller outand I've done it too. There was old Mulker, the miller, asked me what You should only se was my intentions respecting his daughter-so his dam was providentially at hand, and I lifted him into it, by way of an answer. You never heard an old chap hollo so in your life. That was what I calls plain English, and no mistake." "Ay, but that wouldn't do with Mr Lory-he is a very learned man-a true gentleman, that hasn't been in trade, except as a sleeping partner, this ten years, and is a great philosopher." "Oh, by George," said Mr Winnles, "if he's a field-officer, you had better take care. Them soldiers are rum hands to quarrel with; though I recollect I licked a sergeant of the North Wilts-an old fellow that had lost an arm at Waterloo, and was lame of the right leg. The police thought I had killed him, but he was only stunned-this is a free country, and I think the military should be kept in order.” "Ah! you strong fellows," said Mr Bobus, "can do a great many things that other people can't venture onbut I think if I had had you to help me down at Dasnett, I might have had better luck than it is possible for me to have now." Mr Bobus sighed as he said this. "Did they lick you?" enquired his friend-" for blowed if I would stand any of their nonsense with fists. One! two!-how I would pitch it into the old field-officer!-he doesn't carry his sword, does he?" "Oh no-he made his fortune in the wood trade." "Then, how the devil is he an officer?" Swan, thought nobody could tell a horse from a cow but himself. I'm hanged if old Dick wasn't a philosopher! Many's the time I've kicked old Dick out of the stable-and it serves all those fellers right." "But it isn't so much the father I'm afraid of," said Mr Bobus-" there's a rival." "A rival!" that's famous! Is he a little fellow?how we'll lick him!" "He is an uncommon clever man : they say he has published a book, and Annie is very fond of literature." "What the devil's that?" "Books-dictionaries." "Well, she doesn't want to marry them, does she? Now, for my part, I never met with a girl that said she. was fond of reading that didn't like talking a precious sight better-especially with good-looking fellers. They have always sense enough to laugh at thin-legged, spoony, little rascals, though they write ever so many volumes; and admire a broadshouldered, stout-built chap, though he's as ignorant as a horse. I s'pose the reason is, that their reading improves their mind. Lord! how I walloped a young man of genius that wrote acrostics in the Devizes Gazette. He wrote a ballad about Poll Stubbs's eyes. So I thrashed him. But you don't drink, Bobus." "You emptied the jug. But as I was saying, if I had stuck up to her father boldly, I'm sure he wouldn't have refused me, for he is very fond of his daughter." "Then, upon my word, Bobus, I -b'lieve you're a reg'lar spoon. You shouldn't stay a moment here. You ought to be off to Dasnett by this very night's coach, say you've got a situation of L.500 a-year "But I haven't. I wish I had." "Well, you are an infernal spoonWhat's the odds whether you've got it or not? Can't you say so to the old wooden ph'los'pher? If he b'lieves it, isn't it the same thing as if it was true? And if he doubts your word, wop him. That's the way I do to every body-More beer!" "Hadn't I better wait a while, and try really to get some situation or other? As to five hundred a-year, I suppose that's more than a prime minister gets; but say a place in a bank, or some office with a hundred and fifty. I could do very well upon that." "And the girl's five thousandthen give some poor devil twenty pounds a-year to do all the work, and just call once a quarter or so to get the salary? That's the sort of situation I should like very well myself; but the mischief is, there's no way of hearing about them when they're vacant.' "You should read the advertisements in the Times," said Mr Bobus. "I'm not fond of literature," said Mr Winnles; "but if I thought there was any notice in the newspapers that any person would give a good salary to a handsome young fellow that could eat or drink against any man in England, I think I would accept ; 'pon my honour, I think I would." "I'm afraid there's no office of the kind; but I'll tell you what, Winnles, I'm very much inclined to take your advice, and go down to Dasnett once more. I'm sure Annie will be glad to see me, and if I had only a spirited fellow to back me, I'm certain all would end well." "Oh, if you mean to hint any thing about having a friend to back you, and think you're going to gammon ME into any thing of the kind, you're mightily mistaken, I assure you," said Mr Winnles, in reply to the modest declarations of his companion. "There's a capital old saying at Devizes, Never do nothink for nothink for nobody;' and I'm the boy to act according to good mixoms. There's a great deal of sense in them old mixoms-old grandmother was full of them." "I'm sorry you won't help me, for I'm afraid Mr Algernon Podgers will carry off poor Annie, with his acrostics and conundrums." "With his post-chaise and four horses, you mean. 'Pon my honour, if you could stump up blunt enough for us both-or stay-will you give me five hundred pounds if I help you to get the girl?" "With all my heart, and think your services cheaply got." Mr Winnles emptied the remainder of the tankard at a draught, and fell into a reverie. "If the girl's a real clipper, and takes to it kindly, I'll marry her myself. I could lick this spoony fellow into fits in no time. If she doesn't suit, and I get her for him, five hundred is an immense deal of money. I'll buy a pocket borough, and go into Parliament.- -Well, it's a bargain!" he said aloud; " and in a week I will follow you to Dasnett." "A week?" enquired Mr Bobus ; "that's a long time to wait. Podgers may have her to church before that time." "Write her a synonymous letter, saying Podgers has a wife and seven children, and that he thrashes them all. It's what I always advise; for a girl hates to marry a man that's unkind to his wife; and if she's virtuous inclined, your Annie will turn him out of the house." "Oh no! that's a dangerous plan !” said Mr Bobus; "but I think I'll write a short note to Annie, and tell her to expect me in a few days. I'll write it this very moment, and show it to you before it goes." While the young gentleman betook himself to another box in the coffeeroom, and racked his brain for elegant expressions to convey his intentions to the bonnie Annie Lory, Mr Winnles, by way of giving any person who might have chanced to see him an idea of his being of a literary turn of mind, ordered the waiter to bring him the Times newspaper: and as probably he foresaw that his intellectual labours would be somewhat dry, he ordered a fresh supply of strong beer at the same time. Beginning at the first page, he spelt his way in a very careful and praiseworthy manner through the announcement of the ships that were ready to sail for Calcutta. "Them's all emigrants, I s'pose for America, and that 'ere Calcutta, I take it, is one He then of the Benighted States." advanced through the innumerable estates that were to be sold-the interesting tales of distress told by ladies reduced from affluence-the applications for confidential situations by X Y Z, and the rest of the alphabet; till at last an advertisement struck his eye that arrested his whole attention in a moment. "Wanted, a person of gentlemanly address and great vital energy, for an employment of the most scientific and honourable kind. Apply to Hocus and Squills, patent antidote venders, at their involuntary sleep-producing warehouses, Holborn, London." Mr Winnles read the advertisement over and over again: but, from the slight defect before alluded to in his early education, he was not quite master of the full meaning of the announcement. "Wanted,'" he read, "a person of gentlemanly address'-that will do!-and great vitvittle energy'-that's the very thing! a person of great vittle energy must mean a fellow that's a good hand at tucking in. I'll eat three pounds of mutton chops, and say thank ye for more. I'll call on Hocus and Squills the first thing in the morning, or go and offer to breakfast with them at once. Here, Bobus! only look at this newspaper! I think if my fortune ain't made it's my own fault." Mr Bobus examined the advertisement, and advised an application early the following morning; and Fluffy Jack lay awake a long time that night, wondering what employment they would offer to him, in which his enormous appetite was so indispensably required. CHAPTER II. On the following morning, at a very early hour, Mr Winnles had dressed himself with extraordinary care. A bright green cut-away coat, with bright brass buttons, was drawn very much in at the waist, and puffed very much out at the chest-pepper-andsalt knees, with dark-brown topped boots, a red silk neckcloth, and a highly polished walking stick, were the chief articles of his set-out-useful and ornamental; and in full expectation of the triumphant effects of his manners and appearance, he betook himself, about nine o'clock, to the involuntary sleep-procuring ware. houses of Messrs Hocus and Squills. He was ushered through an enormous gallery, filled with all manner of labelled bottles and pill-boxes, into a small and dingy room, where an old gentleman was seated on a high threelegged stool, busily turning over the leaves of a ledger. "I call in consequence of an advertisement in the Times newspaper about an honourable employment," said Fluffy Jack; "if it's a good thing, and fit for a gentleman, I'm your man." The old gentleman looked at the applicant, and did not seem displeased with his appearance. |