"That is surely a human cry," said Sir Lancelot, as he gave his spear to the king and began to unfasten his heavy armor. "Some hapless child has been carried away by some (70) eagle; and we must try and (2) rescue it, though it seems wholly out of reach; and probably I shall find it all torn and mangled if I get at the nest (66).” p Having unfastened his heavy armor (70), which with his horse were (29, 32) taken in charge by the king, Sir Lancelot (70) 9 q addressed himself to the ascent. It was an extremely difficult and perilous one. The rock was nearly perpendicular (57), and on its face could be found only here and there a foothold which was precarious (58), made by some twisted roots or by a ledge which slightly projected (58); and often the king trembled for Sir Lancelot's (70) safety as some frail sprout would give way or the treacherous stones would come (61) away (71). At last, however, Sir Lancelot reached the nest, and after stopping a moment to rest (71) and to shout a cheery assurance back to the king, cautiously returned," bearing a beautiful babe on his arm, a little girl, which (58) had taken no harm w by so much as a scratch, and which was (58) richly dressed and wore a ruby necklace round her neck (52).* "The sweet babe," said the king, touched by the perfect trust with which the babe (70) nestled up to him; "she shall be cared for by the queen herself." NOTES TO THE ABOVE. -a. Note that the main thing in this first sentence is the asking of the question; the other acts should be subordinated to that by being put in participial phrases. If rule 60 is observed regarding the question, the latter will naturally come first and then the participles. b. Use a more descriptive word, e.g. “shriek.” – -c. If rule 60 is observed here, the sentence will naturally begin, "I hear nothing, my liege," etc., "and indeed what is there," etc. The word indeed strengthens the latter clause. -d. The words "asked . . . as he" are quite unnecessary. – Find a single epithet for the clause, e.g. "beetling."-f. This whole sentence from "the path" to "uncomfortable" could better be put in phrases of the previous sentence; e.g. "in a lonely ravine, far from, etc. and in the grim discomfort of a windy rain."-g. Use a tense that puts the action -e. farther back than the action of this sentence, else the sentence is ambiguous. — h. Use a particular kind of "said" here; the most accurate word is “resumed.” —i. "Up" is superfluous. —j. "The" is superfluous. —k. You have used "wail"; for these places use words more general, the most general last. 1. Subordinate this action to the next.-m. "Through the misty and dripping air.”—n. If the previous clause is shortened to an epithet, this word becomes superfluous.—o. Name a particular aspect of large, e.g. "huge.'—p. An interrogation will give much more life, e.g. "who knows what torn and mangled thing I shall find,” etc. 1. "The knight.”—r. "One" is superfluous, as also "an" in the earlier part of the sentence.s. Put in a descriptive word. -t. The name may be retained here if changed previously. — u. "Made his way back" is more idiomatic but if this is used look out for “back” previously, and for “bearing.” See how you can change it with this idiom used.—v. Put this phrase earlier, so as to give "babe" emphatic place. w. If you condensed to a word you virtually do away with the rhyme to "arm," especially by putting 66 arm "earlier as directed. -x. Give "ruby necklace" the emphatic place. ; |